“Make your world smaller”

in Miscellaneous

I love Dear Margo [the original "Dear Prudie"]. ‘Nuff said.

This particular message to her resonates with me strongly, as sure as I am that others feel the same. People often get on me when I get into my “down” moments, when I’m usually fairly optimistic/idealistic in general (I am a cynical dreamer, after all), but I do succumb to issues like what is seen below–mostly because I do care about humanity enough that I would get–how do I say, annoyed?– that more and more people seem to be becoming a$$holes. You catch my drift [I hope]. I’ll let the letter and Margo’s response suffice for the rest of my pseudo-analytical commentary, by highlighting some points I think are ‘key’ [or otherwise noteworthy] –>


Dear Margo: The past few years, I’ve noticed an increase in qualities I don’t think are positive for the human species. Respect seems to be diminishing. Materialism, hate and selfishness are pervading society. You see this in many different aspects, whether it’s politics or the news.

Normally, I wouldn’t be writing about something like this, but lately it’s really affected me. I’m losing faith in the goodness of people, and it’s depressing me. I was never like this before. I was an optimistic person and tried to see the good qualities in people, even if I found them less than appealing. Now I find myself closed off more often, and my optimism is faltering. It’s much harder for me to trust people or even try to find their good qualities. I’m often preoccupied with sadness and worry that the future of humans is in doubt. I no longer want children because I fear for their futures. Logic says I’m being ridiculous, but I can’t stop how I feel, and it’s affecting my daily life. I need some advice. — P.K.

Dear P.: Funny, I periodically have your thoughts, but I basically will myself back. There is, indeed, a definite lack of civility, which some people are trying to address. There are also more crazy people, and the world can seem very threatening. The country is polarized, and “anything goes” seems to have overtaken earlier values.

I would say to you what someone said to me when I felt overwhelmed considering all the programs and charities needing help. No one can do everything, but everyone can do something. Seek out and concentrate on people doing things you admire and behaving in ways you approve of. There really are good people who are not just out for themselves. Don’t give up on everybody because you have been disappointed. I really believe that if you change your focus and accept that some of life has gone haywire, your depression will fade. As someone said on Twitter, “Life is a comedy for those who think and a tragedy for those who feel.” — Margo, attitudinally

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Are Lady GaGa and like ilk responsible for corrupting our youth… ?

in Entertainment, Miscellaneous

(As a preface[?], I can’t believe how long the article/page is. o_X;)

Saw a link to this on my friend Cassie’s FB, and without rehashing the previous comments in the thread, here are my responses to it:

I’m fairly certain this was taken from a different person/source, but this is the text she included with the link (re: MP slams Lady Gaga in bizarre, sexually explicit speech to Parliament) –

“Lady Gaga is to blame for girls being raped because girls will try to emulate her and will be asking for it, so you really can’t blame those poor rapists…it isn’t their fault they raped someone, it’s Lady Gaga’s.”

My first (original) comment–

I could think of a whole slew of “less savory” women to be concerned over being bad influences than Lady Gaga. X_o;

My second (subsequent, as in “afterthought”.. *wink*) comment–

Oh, and while I do share concerns over the media and its “newfound” (relatively speaking, re: last 10 years or more) role in more or less socializing young children, teens, etc… While, if you believe in certain things strongly enough, go ahead and advocate for it in whatever way— but, the thing is, ultimately the power rests in “YOUR” hands so to speak.

I fully believe in (among others) the saying “You are what you eat” (forgot specific saying I wanted to use), pretty much implying practice what you preach. What I mean is, you set an example by embodying it. (Blah, lateness=butchering English language.) Ah, leading by example.

Anyway, point is, yes media is a huge influence, but IMO a far stronger force is exerted by family or your peer groups or whathaveyou. You should never feel afraid to express yourself without a fear of some form of retribution by others.  Perhaps easier said than done, but its true, and should never back off just because “everyone doesn’t do it” or whatever.

Getting off my soapbox now, before I ramble on into oblivion. ha.

(Original article can be found here.)

http://www.dailytelegraph.com.au/news/mp-slams-lady-gaga-in-bizarre-sexually-explicit-speech-to-parliament/story-e6freuy9-1225843219258
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Social Needs, Alzheimer’s, and “Dear Prudie”

in Miscellaneous

I don’t always agree with the current “Dear Prudie” on Slate.com (as I often feel she’s too quick to judge the people who are writing to her for advice), but for once in a long while, I agreed with a particular response she wrote. I even re-read the answer and the original question a few times, letting it soak in nice and good so I could ponder it fully without coming to snap conclusions.

Normally, I wouldn’t quite support the idea that I write about below, since I really do believe in the whole “in sickness and in health” component of marriage vows… but with Alzheimer’s, it’s a bit trickier since the person you married (or who married you–depending on who’s the afflicted and which one isn’t) is no longer the person they were when you met each other and when you married them. It’s definitely a lot more taxing than other chronic and/or terminal illnesses (however, not to discount the impact other illnesses leave).

A man wrote in to “Dear Prudie”, asking the following:

I have a married female friend. She and I were teen sweethearts (no sex involved) who lost touch when I left for military service. We have since reconnected and realize we love each other deeply. Her husband has Alzheimer’s, and even before it struck, he was not very interested in sex and had problems performing, so sex has been out of her life for many years. She is a vibrant, sensual woman with a strong sex drive and laments not having a partner. We are principled people, and it would be unfathomable for her to leave her husband, who requires her care. We are not intimate now but want to know, is it permissible for a woman to indulge her sexual needs with a man she loves since she cannot get that satisfaction within the confines of her marriage?

“Dear Prudie” responded with an opening remark on Sandra Day O’Connor’s now late husband. He was afflicted with Alzheimer’s for about 20 years before his death, and as a result of his memory loss, formed new attachments including a romantic interest in a fellow patient at the institution he was being cared for in. It was hard on the family, but both the family and herself were humane and relieved enough to celebrate it, seeing how much contentment it brought him considering the impact that the illness (obviously) had on himself.

What made me agree with her wasn’t entirely so much all that, but the fact she then said, “I would hope anyone would understand that a healthy spouse should be extended the same compassion”.

I understand those who express disgust with the situation presented, perhaps because it seems that the writer(s) are asking permission to have a sexual free-for-all (although nor are they strangers carrying on an illicit emotional or physical affair already)… but on the same hand, who are we to judge unless we can at the very least imagine ourselves in those people’s shoes? The wife of the man is not neglecting to take care of her husband, but in all honesty, those who are faced with these issues are not wrong for craving physical affection (or any romantic/sexual attention) when their partner is no longer able to provide that to them. They are trapped– between someone they still care for very much emotionally, fulfilling their own personal needs, and the rock that is society’s approval or disapproval of the actions they either have or will take to compensate for the fulfillment of their personal needs. This is what gets me. There’s always support of friends or family, true, but anyone would have to be living under said rock if they don’t understand that it doesn’t quite chalk up to the closer intimacy that is entailed in intimate affection as such.

It’s entirely unfair to all parties involved (especially the one whose mind is slowly being sucked away from them), and that’s what we should keep in mind. Alzheimer’s affects more than the afflicted individual–let us not forget it affects their spouses or partners and their wider families. It’s human nature to desire to compensate somehow for what you or anyone else has lost. It does not necessarily make them bad people or denote their actions as bad or wrong.

Whether anybody agrees with this post is their prerogative, but hopefully at least others will understand where I’m coming from on this.

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